Category: Moments, Thoughts, Life

There’s nothing I can do. ~ I can’t say anything. ~ I knew something was wrong.

There exists a four letter word that prevents us from doing what is right. It keeps us from speaking up, from shedding light on dark secrets, from helping those who find themselves incapable of helping themselves. FEAR holds us back.

I’ve experienced firsthand the harmful effects when fear prevents us from speaking up.  I’m always amazed when I hear someone say,  “I didn’t want to say anything”. Really?

We live in a world where phone calls can be made, reports can be issued and conversations can be had under the protection of something called – anonymous.

When I find myself in a situation where I think…or I assume…or I KNOW something is not right, I fast forward the scene to a court room. I am sitting in the witness-box and the questions are being asked; “Did you know? And if so, why didn’t you say something?” If I answer yes to the first question, three letters pop into my head; SSS. This is followed by a loud voice shouting; SAY SOMETHING STUPID!!!

Say something. Say anything. Pick up the phone and make a call. Talk to the school. Talk to the police department. Ask questions at the mental health hotline. Tell your story to whomever you can. Ask for assistance. Ask for help. Ask for advice. Don’t stop until you feel you are exhausted and then…tell one more person. Who knows, you may hold the last piece of the puzzle the authorities are waiting for. You may be the missing link that gives them the authority to act. You may hold the key. You may be the person a child is praying for; the one person that is going to help them get out of their situation.

So if you’ve been watching, not knowing if you should get involve………SAY SOMETHING STUPID!

And then ask yourself when it was that you become afraid of doing what is right?

Opened a new CD today from what is becoming one of my favorite artists, Over the Rhine – the words say it all.

Take a minute and listen…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc7mg-rQcmw

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know.

Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just wanna hold you
and let the rest go.

All my friends are part saint and part sinner
We lean on each other
Try to rise above.
We’re not afraid to admit we’re all still beginners
We’re all late bloomers
When it comes to love.

Orphaned believers, skeptical dreamers
Stop forward
You can stay right here
You don’t have to go.

Is each wound you’ve received
Just a burdensome gift?
It gets so hard to lift
Yourself up off the ground.

But the poet says, we must praise the mutilated world
We’re all workin’ the graveyard shift
You might as well sing along.

All my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know.

As for your tender heart –
This world’s gonna rip it wide open
It ain’t gonna be pretty
But you’re not alone.

‘Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me
My heart should know.

Orphaned believers, skeptical dreamers
You’re welcome
Yeah, you’re safe right here
You don’t have to go.

‘Cause all my favorite people are broken
Believe me
I should know.

Some prayers are better left unspoken
I just wanna hold you
And let the rest go

All My Favorite People ~  Linford Detweiler  ~  The Long Surrender ~ Over the Rhine

I grew up in a world where we were told that everyone was watching us. That’s a lot of responsibility to place on a kid. I’ve come to realize that there are many who also grew up under such pretense. I’m guessing that most kids grew up being told that somewhere, someone was watching their every move. It wasn’t until later in life that I realized there really aren’t too many people left to actually watch, since we all have our eyes on our selves.

I have been watching someone very closely these past few weeks. As my son Raun has made steps to become free from an abusive relationship and begin to build a new life for his children, I’ve not only been watching him, but those around him.

What am I seeing? Adults who grew up in similar situations and are experiencing healing as they watch someone making decisions they prayed would have been made for them. There are those who grew up desperately wanting a Daddy who would stand up and fight for them; they too are beginning to heal as they watch someone actually do it. I’ve heard from individuals as they explain the rarity of a man fighting for children that are not his, giving them hope in their world that are filled with selfishness and self-centeredness.

So I guess people are watching us. But they are not watching the performance. They are watching the real us, the us that isn’t putting on a show. They are watching the decisions that are made when we are simply doing what we feel IS the right thing. Perhaps people begin to watch us when we stop rolling out our own red carpet. Maybe others begin to watch when we stop blinding them with our personal spotlights.

We need to stop asking who’s watching us.  A much better question to begin asking ourselves would be; who am I watching out for?

I’ve always been embarrassed when ask if I’m a Christian. Growing up a preacher’s kid had a bit of a stigma.  I found out recently it is said that guys always wanted the preachers daughter – I’m glad I didn’t know that back then.  It also doesn’t help that some Christians feel the need to use the media to preach fear and judgment instead of grace and love, I’ve never wanted be associated with them in any way.

In January of last year, I was forced to leave the only career I was ever passionate about due to a bizarre allergy – it didn’t destroy me. At the end of April we lost contact with Raun, our oldest son – it didn’t devastate me. On November 6^th when Emery Rain Ford came into the world 15 weeks early and I watched as my daughter was forced to make life decision for my granddaughter – I wasn’t distraught. On Sunday, January 9^th when I received a call from Raun informing me that his wife had been arrested that morning for Domestic Violence – I didn’t lose hope.

This past year I’ve become more and more trusting of this God I claim to know. He is the same God I believe created the universe and the same God who knows what tomorrow holds; who has promised to be there through it all.  This God has proven Himself to me over and over throughout my life and this past year I realized that I either believe or I don’t. I either finally decide that I’m all in or I’m not. I am either one of those people who continually ask God to show Himself in tough situation or I’m the one who believes He is in control even when I don’t see it. Last year I moved from one of those people who says, “I need to know You are there,” to the person who boldly says, “I KNOW!”

I am still hesitate when someone asks me if I’m a Christian.  Ask me if I’m a Believer and I’ll reply boldly, “Yes!” Ask me why and I could give you a thousand reasons, but I’ll simply say, “I KNOW.”

Job is an interesting book in the Old Testament. It’s also a little confusing. There is a particular verse that has been playing over and over again in my head. God and Satan are having a discussion and God says, “Have you considered my servant Job.” This verse perplexes me. Why would God point someone out who appears to have his life in order?

Is it possible that God was confident of the final outcome? Did He know that Job would not break? In my own life does He allow those difficult times? And if so, does God allow them to happen because He is confident that I won’t break? If that is true, it changes the way I look at those times that just suck.

Suppose you had a wonderful boss. This is someone you trust, admire and want to please. You’ve worked with this person for a long time, you know their character.  One day this ideal boss comes to you and says, “I have a project I want you to do. It’s a big one! It’s going to take you a while. Most of all, it’s going to be very difficult. During the project you will most likely hate me, question the validity of this project and begin to lose faith in yourself and me. But at the end, I guarantee, that you will be amazed at the outcome.” I know what my response would be, “If you are sure that I’m the right person for the task, let’s do it.” I would also proceed with real expectations, a drive to success, and a ton of notes reminding me of this originally conversation.

What if life is like this? What if God says, “I have a task for you, it’s going to be hard, you’re going to question me, but that’s OK; I have confidence in you. You won’t break!” How would we go through life? Would we stop blaming others for the situation we find ourselves in? Would we approach life much more lighthearted? I believe so.

“Have you considered my servant Job? Go ahead, do what you want. I know him. I know his character. Most of all, I know he will not break.”

I realized earlier this year that I have lived the majority of my life in fear. Most of those fears had a common thread; the fear of being alone. There were times when these fears paralyzed me, other times they brought on panic attacks, and they always had a great affect on my decision making. As of October 1 of this year, I have found myself in circumstances that forced me to face each one of those fears. Each one of those circumstances also had a common thread; my daughter Austyn.

Since October first I found myself 2000 miles from home, in an ambulance, the ER of a hospital, making my way though a city I had never been, flying with an 18month old child, and spending 10 day with him without mom. I’ve been on 6 flights in 70 days. I have spent time in a waiting room, stood outside the door of the delivery room, walked into the NICU to welcome grandchild number 6 into the world. Watched as decisions were being made for heart surgery; found myself driving alone during rush hour in eight lanes of traffic at the tail end of a snow storm in a city I don’t call home; spent 6 weeks away from home; and entered a dark unlocked house after dark…the super of all super freaky things!

These may seem like small attempts to you, for me they were all monumental. But I survived! And in surviving, those monumental fears have lost their affect.  In fact I’m feeling a little daring.  There is a sense of excitement as I think of experiencing life without fear. However, since October 1 was only seventy some days ago I feel as if I deserve a nap, a long nap. 2011 is just around the corner. I plan to be well rested and ready to go on January 1. 2011 is going to be a year without fear.