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My Mother was turning 80 and at the last minute had planned a weekend in Chicago with her only sister Meryle, myself and my two sisters. My Mom and her sister arrived at Union Station on Amtrack Friday night. It would be the first time my aunt had come to visit us in the city. My mother and her sister had grown up in Chicago, just about six blocks north of where we live. It was very exciting for them to be back in the old neighborhood.

There were general plans made for the weekend. The schedule was not packed full – after all it takes time to get from one place to another with an eighty and eighty-four year old.

A few dinners, a little shopping and a little sightseeing. Always planning time to return to the hotel for anyone who needed a rest.

We took the bus to Millennium Park to see the famous Bean, Buckingham Fountain and the lake. We walked down Michigan Avenue as mom pointed out historical buildings. The birthday weekend was full of laughter, conversations and photo opportunities.

There is a joke among my sisters and I about our growing up years. Our mother was never heard saying the word breast. We grew up with chicken “chests” not chicken
breasts.” In fact this information has spread out to our circle of friends and you will commonly hear one of them order chicken “chest” at dinner. As the waitress stood at the end of the table making her recommendations for the Lemon Chicken “Breast,” my mother held out her hands as if she was holding something and asked; “how big are the breasts?” It sent us all into uncontrollable laughter. My sister stood to her feet, hands in the air and announced; “Hallelujah, she’s been freed”. The laughter continue for what seemed hours. Unable to catch our breath we laughed from our souls. We had grown up referring to chicken breasts as with chicken chests our whole life and today Mom could finally say “breasts.
People can change…at the age of eighty.

We watch the relationship between two sisters, how one dominated the other and knew how to push all the buttons. We took turns walking slowly with our aunt. Each time someone new joined our little group we immediately paired them up, allowing the newest member of the group the opportunity to walk slowly. We ordered $9 drinks that could fit in a shot glass and consumed all the free birthday deserts we could get. “We are celebrating her 80^th birthday” became the opening remarks to the waitress, hoping it would get us a free desert at the end of the meal.

The weekend ended quickly. There are so many changes ahead for all of us.  Couple this with the joy of being with these two lovely ladies in their eighties and it is a good reminder to make the most of being together. This has been a memorable weekend and perhaps the last time this group would party in the city of Chicago.

We had planned to spend Easter weekend in Wisconsin. Knowing we would be on our way to California soon we wanted to spend as much time with Raun, Pam and the kids as possible. The car was rented and we loaded up on Friday morning. Raun and Pam were on their way back from the funeral in Indiana. It was snowing slightly in the city and the forecast called for large amounts of snow by late afternoon. We had hopes of being ahead of the storm. The first thirty minutes was smooth sailing, then it hit. What should have been a fifteen minute drive took us over an hour and a half. We stopped for gas and decided to turn around. Disappointed and frustrated we returned to the city.

It was around 6:00 that evening when the front door buzzed. Two beeps, it was Raun and Pam. They had also been delayed, cell phones dead and exhausted. We went for a burger and let them talk, and talk they did. This was not going to be an easy transition. There were a multitude of emotions ranging from guilt to anger and back again. This was all so very complicated. His children, her children, life insurance, social security, police reports, court dates. It was overwhelming to hear and even more overwhelming to imagine having to deal with it.

We encouraged them to spend the night but they both wanted to get home. The next morning the weather had cleared. The city had not received the bulk of the snow, it had hit the north suburbs hard. Austyn and I decide to try our trip again. We called around for car rentals. Fortunately the storm had prevented others from their trips as it had us, so cars were available. We rented the first car we found, loaded it up and headed north. We would spend the weekend in Wisconsin and make ourselves available in any way that we could.

We had not had much of a chance to spent time with the children, I was hoping this weekend would allow for that. We had planned Easter dinner at Grandma Gregg’s. Pam felt she needed to stay home but Raun brought the kids over and we played.

Grandma’s house is laid out great for hide and seek. We even got the older cousins involved. During one of the rounds, it was suggested to Chase that he hide under the bed. As the seeker entered the room calling out, “Chase where are you?” he actually answered. “I”m under here.” We all had a great laugh. I fell in love with these three children that night. Raun had told me numerous times that they could all be his and it was evident. They loved him and he was their anchor. They obeyed what he said and ran to him if they needed something. They had bonded.

As the evening came to an end we at on the sofa for some pictures. Sage, the middle one was standing next to me. I looked at her and asked, “Now will you remember me when I talk to you one the phone?” Sage replied very honestly, “No. What’s your name again?” Clearly it would take longer then a few hours for us to bond. I would be heading back to Chicago tomorrow and be known as Raun’s mom…grandma would have to wait.

They say there are four major stress factors in our lives; marriage, new job, moving and death. Up to this point we had three of the four. Austyn took care of the marriage part. The new job had already started for Jeff and moving was inevitable. As a fellow employee said so reassuringly; “Knock on wood that you won’t experience the fourth.”

At 5:45am on the Monday before Easter my phone rang. By the tone I knew it was Raun. I answered as most moms would at that time of day, “What’s wrong”.

“Mom I can’t believe it. Pam just left for her mom’s. The kid’s father was killed early this morning.” Raun and Pam were now living together in Wisconsin. She and her ex were beginning a custody battle. He was currently living in Indianapolis with his new wife. He had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a senseless robbery/murder.

Arrangements, funeral and a thousand questions. How would Pam cope with this. One day she is preparing for a custody battle with this man. The next morning she is on her way to Indianapolis to help with his funeral arrangements.

No one is sure how they will respond to the death. When someone is ill there is time to prepare for the end. This was a young man with three beautiful children who just happened to be in the wrong place and lost his life for a meaningless robbery. A thousand questions and a million emotions flooded everyone. It was a very unsettling time.

During my one week in San Luis Obispo, we had found a development that we felt very comfortable in. The development would be under construction for the next year which gave us the freedom to buy when we were ready. It seemed very easy. We liked the units and could see ourselves living there for the next 5 to 10 years. It would eliminate house shopping and trying to orchestrate the timing of closings.

I had checked the website regularly to keep an eye on the development and the pricing. From time to time they would offer a huge discount on the last unit. Seeing those prices made me anxious and I stopped looking until this particular Wednesday morning.

I pulled up the website and saw the words “reduced for quick sale”. Listed was the unit we had fallen in love with and the price had dropped $70,000. I emailed the Realtor we had met and asked if she had time to look into it.

The next day she emailed me pictures and an explanation. This would be the last unit of that style built this year. All the other units in the group were sold and they wanted to make sure this was sold as well. It won’t be ready until the end of August. Send a deposit and they will hold it for you. It seemed like a no brainier; the price was within our budget and the timing was perfect. Come to find out, the new price had been posted on Tuesday, I looked at the site on Wednesday and by Thursday we were faxing agreements back and forth. By the next weekend I had an email congratulating us on the purchase. It appeared all was settled.

Our worst week of the year flowed into the following week. The tile installer was kind enough to work on Sunday, returning on Monday to make sure all was well. That afternoon Jeff and Austyn were the first home. By the time I arrived home most of the condo was put back together. No more drop cloths or tools. The kitchen appliances were out of the dinning room and back in their proper places in the kitchen. the dining room table was centered under the candelabra. It was home again.

As we sat on the sofa enjoying the order that had been given back to us Austyn turned to me and said, “By the way there was a turkey in the oven.”

I was following a very healthy diet program since the beginning of the year in hopes that I could make it through this year of change and remain healthy. Part of the diet was turkey, so each week I would roast a turkey portion it out for my lunches. Because our place was so small and our 70 pound lab-retriever loved turkey, I had gotten in to the habit of placing the turkey carcass back in the oven to cool before I threw it out. Apparently with all the commotion of the week I had failed to toss that carcass out before the kitchen was emptied out for the tile installation.

“Turkey in the oven? I can’t believe it didn’t start to smell in here.” We laughed at the thought of a turkey rotting away inside the stove that had been sitting in the middle of our dining room for the past week.

“Well, what’s for dinner?” was the question. Well, I can tell you it would not be. It would not be turkey.

Saturday morning arrived. Today we did have a time line. We were picking up a cargo van at 9: 00am and it needed to be back by 1:00pm. The installer would be here around 8:30 which meant that one of us would stay home and two would head to the storage until. While Jeff ran to get the van, Austyn and I would begin carrying boxes down the stairs.

We stood in the dining room and looked around us.

”This is sad.” Austyn replied.

“What’s sad?”

“All of this. Leaving Chicago; leaving here. Not seeing my stuff until who knows when.”

We both had tears in our eyes. This was our college dorm. We moved in here when both kids started school and we are leaving as they are completing. We have so many memories in this small place. For Austyn this was the place she was an only child. This is the place that she remembers as Mom, Dad and Austyn. In three short months she will be Mrs. Brian Ford. We were reminded again that every event this year is a major one. Each one is an emotional one and we have them stack one on top of the other.

We were also reminded of the few pacts we have made with each other. The first is to allow ourselves to feel every emotion as we go through this year, we do not want to end the year with a flood of resentment because we allowed everything to fly by. The second is the pinky swear that Austyn and I made not to get stressed about the wedding plans.

It was time to work. We both made our trips down the three flights of stairs, boxes in hand. We stacked them on the bottom two landings. We were carrying boxes down as the installer was carrying tiles up.

The van was loaded, I would stay behind. The purpose for taking Austyn’s things out of the house was to make more room. Every Realtor will tell you to get rid of the junk and extra pieces. I began rearranging the furniture.

As I made a quick pass by the kitchen I stopped to ask what steps were next in the installation. There was a little detail we had forgotten about in all the commotion. We were not to walk on the tiles for 24 hours. In our small place everything is connected. Off the kitchen is the bathroom and our bedroom; “Can’t walk on it for 24 hours?” Well isn’t that fun. It is 20 degrees and snowing today. This has been the longest winter in years and we are all tired of it. We have no stove and now no bathroom. I guess the trips to the store will have to be planned around potty breaks.

Early afternoon Austyn and I head out to pick up lunch and use someone’s restroom. We have an appointment at 3:00 to pick up the wedding dress. How ironic to be bringing something so clean and delicate into such a mess. We had a great lunch from a new Mexican restaurant down the street. I had forgotten about needing to change clothes, so Austyn stretched her way from the dining room to our bedroom and collected what I needed. We changed and headed out. It was about a mile walk and we decided to do just that, walk. We arrived at the little boutique a few minutes before 3:00.

This boutique is by appointment only and there was a group of woman trying on dresses when we arrived. We made our way into the corner, picked up Martha Stewart’s Bridal magazine and waited. There were five woman in this group, two were mothers and three were twenty-somethings. Suggestions, opinions and emotions were flying high. We were glad it was just the two of us. There was a world of difference between that group of five and our group of two. They began to ask us questions about date, place and wedding details and the gulf between our two little groups grew; bands, whirlwind, pressure, dresses, receptions, deadlines and wedding coordinators. I was proud to be in the smaller group.

At 3:15 they finally walked out the door. There was peace again. Austyn headed into the dressing room and emerged a bride. The dress was perfection. We will need it to be hemmed and pressed. We took pictures and she danced around moving from mirror to mirror. Back to the dressing room and back to reality. We left the boutique, caught a taxi and headed home. Jeff had been given the responsibility to put a hook on a wall in Austyn’s bedroom so we had somewhere to hang the dress when we got home. He had completed his task and the dress was on display. I was looking forward to a calm evening.

It wasn’t a calm evening. It was actually quite sad. Austyn was very emotional. We talked and cried that evening. There was a degree of uncertainty in her plans from now until the wedding. She was lonely and hated being only able to talk to Brian on the phone. They are making plans to move to Alaska after the wedding and as exciting as that seems it is also very scary. Most of all Austyn and I will miss each other. We may be 25 years apart in age, but we are facing a common fear, loneliness. What if we both arrive at our new homes and find ourselves alone.

The three of us were very quiet that night as we made our way to bed. This would be worst week in 2008. Promise.