Author: jeanniebruenning_s4d8jy

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I Love Our Family | Prickly Pear

The car pulled up and as the doors begin to open letting its passengers out, I heard her say, “I love our family.”

I watched as this newly formed family exited the car. A new mom, a dad, and three blonde beauties ranging from ten month-old  to seventeen year-old with smiles that light up the darkest of moments. 

The mom of this crew is the newest adult member of our family. When she promised to love our eldest, she promised to take the good, the bad, and the baggage – and there’s a lot of baggage. It includes a difficult relationship with an ex, step-children and an inevitable custody case. She now finds herself the mom of a 10 month-old, the step-mom of a 9 and 17 year-old (with hopes of bringing the last one home). 

A year ago Jeff and I were asked if we’d consider having our 16 year-old step-grand-daughter live with us. Without hesitation the response was, “Yes, of course.” We had no idea what was to follow. Neither did we realize how our lives would change. 

We’ve learned about another way of life. One that includes police officers showing up at the house regularly. Probation officers stopping by to check up on how we are doing. Social Workers asking interesting questions that make you feel as if you’re on trial. There’s lawyers, magistrates, judges, District Attorneys, subpoenas, and evidence.

We’ve had moments of frustration, anger and outrage. When a CFI (Court Ordered Family Investigator) submitted her recent report to the Colorado Courts, we read statements about how our grandkids have been treated and how the system has failed them. Statements such as, “I have not seen a more appalling handling of children’s best interests than in this case.” “This is one of the worse accounts of abuse I’ve seen in forty years.” You’re not sure what to do with the emotions that erupt within you. You wait for someone to do something. Someone to step in and make it right. Someone to come to the rescue. When they don’t, you begin to walk down paths you’ve never walked before. 

Then, in the midsts of the muck, there are moments, like Uncle Brian saying, “We just have to keep loving.” An unexpected, “I love you Neenee.” A delighted cousin asking, “Does Elin get to live here now?” 

We were put under the microscope three weeks after moving into our multi- generational homestead, when this same court ordered Family Investigator spent three days watching us and asking deep and personal questions. In her 32 page court report that outlines abuse and neglect by a troubled mom, we found statements like, “Visiting the Bruenning’s was nothing but a heartwarming and inspiring example of family life in an extended family. There was a great deal of respect and understanding, open communication among them all… I have seen and evaluated many homes and families and many varieties over my years and have not seen one that appeared healthier and more functional than this one…”

I don’t believe such statements would have been made a year ago. We are closer because we’ve accepted to be on a journey, that at times isn’t pleasant, it isn’t easy, there is no escape and there are no rules. It’s time consuming, finance sucking and emotionally draining. We wonder at times if our Hacienda is really here to allow us to support each other as we welcome home these young lives who come in need of love and healing. 

Is it worth it? Some days I’d say I’m not sure. 

But then there are moments when I hear statements like, “I love our family!” And I watch three blond sisters and their mom and dad walk into the house that is now their home…and it all feels right.  

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Patiently Anxious

Today we wait patiently and anxiously for a document to be completed. It’s a document that has been four months in the making and contains a life time of history. Decisions will be made on its content. Decisions that will alter the future and past of those it includes.

At times, our particular situation is all consuming, taking us to very low and lonely depths. It makes me imagine what it was like for those who’ve experienced horrific, life changing moments like sending a child off to war, receiving word that a loved one is missing, or from histories darkest times, watching government forces marching family and friends to unknown places.

How did they survive? I ask myself. How did they deal with the unknown, the fear, the hatred, the hopelessness, and the loneliness.  

It is also in these times that I question my own beliefs. Why doesn’t God fix this? I see the solution, can’t he? 

A week or so ago we received news that almost cost me my spiritual marbles. I closed myself in my bedroom, looked up to the sky and demanded, “OK, right here, right now, explain to me why this is unfixable! Why do you allow children to be hurt? Why don’t you do something when the answer is so easy? Why can’t you be THAT God!?”

I really didn’t want or need an answer. I’ve been working to understand this God thing most of my life. I knew what the answer was:

…because I AM...

I AM the Redeemer, not the preventer. Prevention is within your power. 

I AM in all people, everywhere – some just don’t know it yet. 

I AM the One who loves you – all of you – the same.

I AM the Healer and there is nothing that can or will happen to you that can’t be repaired.

I AM your Redeemer  and there is not a situation that can’t be used for good.

I AM

To be honest, I’m a little disappointed. I like the idea of a fix-it God and I like that pretense that God will make everything perfect. What I mean by perfect is,  the way I think it should be.

I know I’ve still got a lot to learn about God and how he works in our crazy, mixed-up, lives. But isn’t that what life is? Isn’t it a journey of learning, questioning, discovering, trusting and re-learning?

Today, I can wait patently and anxiously with a little deeper understanding. With that understanding, comes a deeper sense of peace.  

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Choosing

Choosing by author Jeannie Bruenning

You know those times that it feels as if a dark heavy cloud has fallen around you and nothing makes sense? Good seems to be losing ground and all the crazies are finding ways to infiltrate every open crevasse? It’s like a thick fog has fallen and clouded everyone’s vision.

I know those times. Unfortunately, I know them well. It’s was during one of those dark times I yell out to God, what do I do now?

I was quickly reminded of an Old Testament Bible story where the Israelite army was at war in a valley and Moses watched from a hilltop. In the story, the Israelite army grew stronger when Moses’s hands were raised and when they weren’t, they began to lose the battle.

I heard this story many times as a kid. And even as a kid there was something odd about it. First of all, why was Moses sitting on a hilltop when his army was in a battle? Secondly, what’s so important about raising his hands? Recently I began to ask, what was he doing?

 I had always assumed Moses was pleading with God. Bagging for God to make it right, to fix it, to force someone to change. But when people are pleading they usually aren’t on their knees with hands raised. Pleaders stand with fists flailing in the air, or face down, spread-eagle pounding the ground.

Being on your knees with hands raised is typically done when you are in awe of the beauty of the world. It is the position of someone who is overcome with so much lovethat you can’t help but embrace it with open arms. When all one can do is look to the sky, overflowing with gratitude and thankfulness. It is a pose of surrender.

Is that what Moses was doing?

In the midst of a battle, he, the leader of the army (and nation) was filled with gratitude.

When I began writing what I thought was this light-hearted little blog, I felt I couldn’t help but be grateful for everything in my life. I had figured it out! I was the queen of gratitude. It only took one text message; a disappointing and unthinkable response and that thick dark fog fell. I wasn’t grateful. I wasn’t even going to pretend. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was heart-broken, and my raised hands turned into fists. How? God, why don’t you do something? Is that really who you are? Why is this OK? Why don’t you fix this? I was far from grateful and nowhere near thankful.

That fog hung around for a few days. Happy songs would pop into my head and I’d quickly turn them off. Thoughts that I could change my attitude would knock at the door but I wasn’t home. How can I be happy when others are suffering? Why should I carry the joyful banner when others are hurting?

Everything in our life is a choice. We choose to be happy or we choose to be angry. We choose to listen or ignore. We choose to love or to hate. It’s all us. It’s all within our power.

In the story of Moses we are told that Moses grew tired and couldn’t physically keep his arms raised, this is when his friends came along, help up his arms and supported him.

Maybe that’s the reason we need to always choose love, happiness, joy, gratefulness and forgiveness. Maybe those who are currently fighting the battles in the valley of life need our quiet support. Maybe our gratefulness offers them strength in ways we can’t see. Like a super power, we have the ability to burn through the heavy fog and bring clarity and strength from a distance.

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Plus 2 | Prickly Pear

beer loving puppies at prickly pear

“And now I know you’ve lost your mind!” my friend replied to my text.

But I had been looking for my Sadie dog for some time. Even the grandkids knew that Sadie was coming to our house. “Neenee, go get Sadie!” Liam would say. “I’m looking for her,” I’d reply. “She’s coming, she’s just not here yet.”

I had an image of what Sadie would look like. Big, fluffy, loving, happy, the Old English Sheepdog type. Sadie would be our next great dog. When friends asked Jeff about the new dog, he’d laugh and say, “We’re not getting a dog.”

On Thursday morning I opened craigslist as a distraction from dealing with life’s drama, (you know – when it feels like good never wins and the crazies are taking over the  universe!!!)  I clicked on community and found pets. I scrolled down the list and the words Lab Puppies Ready Now, caught my attention. I hadn’t considered another Lab but it was worth a peek.

The post said that 5 puppies were ready for their new homes. I opened the images of puppy #1, puppy #2 and the moment #3 opened I proclaimed, “Sadie, there you are! I’ve been waiting for you!” I stared at her. Those sweet sad eyes looking right through the camera and sucked me in. Her brown paws gently folded in front of her.  “I’ve found her, I found Sadie!”

Sadie the newest member at PricklyPear by author Jeannie Bruenning

I clicked on puppy #4 and then #5…

Charlie the newest addition to PricklyPear by author Jeannie Bruenning

How could I possibly leave #5 behind?!?

I began texting; are they still available? Is puppy #3 a girl or boy? When will they be ready? Are they a mix?  Is puppy #5 still available?

Yes they are available, #3’s a girl and #5’s a boy, they are ready now, both parents are black labs, I’ll send you their picture, do you want both, when would you like to get them…

Give me till 12:00, I need to get a few approvals…

A few approvals? Ha!! There are five other adults living in this house, two of them have an eight-month old and one of them is convinced he’s not getting a dog!!

The next two hours were filled with;

You’re crazy!

            I don’t really like puppies but you do what you want.

            Is this really a good time for puppies. (Is anytime a good time for puppies?)

At 12:07 I replied, I’ll take both!

Where would you like to meet?

I’m coming from Pismo and not sure if I can come until Sunday.

I’ll be happy to deliver them.

That would be great!

I’ll be there in 3 hrs, around 3:30…

She may have been right, I may have lost my mind!

 

Hello World!!

Meet Sadie and Charlie – the newest additions to our Prickly Pear Family!

Yes, Charlie loves beer…

beer loving puppies at prickly pear

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Lucky or Unlucky? | Prickly Pear

We are so luck written by Jeannie Bruenning

I spent time imagining what this new living arrangement would be like, being in the same house that our youngest grand daughter would learn to walk in, she’ll go to her first day of kindergarten from this house and some day move out. I’ve tried to picture how having a space like this is going to make the holidays different. I’ve tried to calculate what Oktoberfest, Purim and Passover might look like?

It was never our intention to have regular family meals but in our first week of being here, Megan’s mom and grand-mother brought us two meals which were wonderful and allowed us to stop unpacking and gather around the table for dinner. Then we had a pizza night, a Megan’s Cooking!! night and Liams Surprise Dinner night and soon we were checking with each other about what we should do for dinner.

While the ten of us sit around the table enjoying the meal, the kids talk about their school day and the adults about what’s the next project. It didn’t take long to realize that this time of the day provides an abundance of unexpected fun. Amelia can now join in as she can sit in a high chair. She laughs at us and we laugh at her and when we forget that she is the center of the universe, she squeals and let’s us know we’re ignoring her. Emery comments on the spiciness of the food and Liam usually has made desert for us to enjoy later. 

Our kitchen/dinning room is almost a third of the size of the entire house. In fact, it’s almost the same size of the condo we owned in Chicago. It has 2 refrigerators, a new sparkling oven, a table that seats 12 and is becoming the hub. The place we gather to eat and drink and stay connected. 

The other night Austyn read a short story that Emery had written. The assignment was to write about a time when you felt lucky or unlucky. This is her story…

I feel lucky for living in this house.

We live on a hill and have more space to play and walk around.

It is beautiful.

We can see lots of things like hills, palm trees and lots of sky.

I am lucky.

That night we all realized just a little bit more how lucky we are.

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Make it Amazing! | Prickly Pear

Make it Amazing blog written by Jeannie Bruenning

 

Today I repurposed a Jade plant. It’s most likely the largest succulent plant I have every seen. It took hours to thin it down and load it in my new Gorilla Wagon, the coolest wagon in the world! 

I took my awesome wagon down the hill to replant the pieces I had removed and trimmed. I dug small holes, gathered two or three stems and carefully placed them in their new home, patted the soil back around them and with each new planting said, “Today, I give you new life…make it amazing!”

We’ve had a lot of comments about this multi-generational living thing. Many who think it’s wonderful. Others who wish they could do the same. Some who want to movie in with us. And several who say, “I couldn’t live with my kids.” 

I get it. Jeff and I would have said the same thing a few years ago. But our kids have been through real life. They have had trauma, pain, difficulties, success and they made it through. If we were really faced with the situation of having to choose who we’d be stuck on a deserted island with, it would be our kids…including their spouses.

“I couldn’t live with my parents. They are too controlling,” is another reason we hear of this impossibility. If you’re in your twenties and figuring out life, you most likely shouldn’t be living with your parents. But usually, I’m not talking to 20 somethings, rather, forty and fifty year olds. 

Why as parents is there the need to control our kids? The common commands that are barked out such as, “It’s my way or the highway!” or “If you live under my roof…” or the tough love thing that says, “Live my way if you want my approval!” are the acceptable ways of raising kids – even when they are adults. As parents, why is raising obedient children the focus over raising kids to become amazing adults who know how to control their own lives?

One reason our multi-generational adventure is working is because this isn’t Jeff and my house. It’s truly our house. Our son-in-law and daughter-in-law have as much ownership as we do. I love that! I love watching them making decisions. I love having them take control. 

In twenty years when my newly planted succulents have spread across the bottom of the hill and have made a new amazing life for themselves, we will be watching the next generation of adults making choices, a new generation of toddlers figuring out life and I hope I’m still saying, “Today, I give you new life…make it amazing!”