Author: jeanniebruenning

Brian and Austyn returned to Chicago on Thursday. We were to pick up the rental van Friday at noon, load and take off for what we had hoped was a 16 hour road trip to Holden Beach NC. The home we had rented were fully furnished but there was plenty of extra cooking equipment and supplies needed. There were a few things we felt we could leave to chance. In a small beach town where Walmart is the main means of supplies and the nearest Walmart is 20 minutes away, you do have to anticipate not being able to gather all your supplies in one place.

Adult beverages were another consideration. Brain and Austyn had chosen a wine called Fat Bastered as their wedding wine. They both claim that they love the taste, I think the name may have helped their decision making. As the mother of the bride I chose a Ginger Vodka as my beverage choice for the weekend. After searching most of the liquor stores in Chicago, we found my favorite band. The company had changed the bottling and in doing so raised the price about $10 per bottle. This particular store was selling through the old bottle at almost half the price. Needless to say the van was loaded with several cases of alcohol.

We were loaded and with very little room to spare. Our chief and close friend of the family was 5 months pregnant at the time. As Renee’ and I settled into our seat a few of those last minute items were loaded. When all was complete, Renee and I found ourself talking to each other through the Orchids which were purchased at the corner flower shop in our neighborhood. Wedding dress lay across the back of the van. We were on our way.

We had planned to meet up with two other parties in Indianapolis. Erin and Rachael, Austyn’s long time friends, were driving down to spend the week with us and Nikki and Matt were joining Brian and Austyn in the Jeep. We pulled into a Starbucks parking lot on the north side of Indianapolis around 11:15pm. In what should have been a “load um up and let’s get going” became a meet and greet time. Almost one hour later we were back on the road.

Breakfast was at McDonald’s in Charleston, West Virgina. Every stop seemed as if it took longer than the last. A quick bathroom break could turn into a 45min luncheon. Pam and Raun had flown into Charlotte the day before in order for Raun to show Pam some of his favorite childhood memories. They arrived to the island well before we did. Raun called me that morning. “I can see why Austyn wants to get married here. We just drove over the bridge, it’s beautiful.”

There is only one bridge that takes you to Holden Beach. As you approach the bridge you are in the midst of a typical small souther beach area. Little wooden shakes that are favorite hang outs, a few surf shops, a huge outdoor ice machine that appears to have sufficient ice supple to fill a dump truck. The bridge is a high, long winding bridge. It is not until you are at the half way point that you can see the island. A long narrow beach lined with large beach homes. There are just a few restaurants but very little commerce on the beach itself. We were still hours away from the bridge.

It was around 3:30pm when we arrived. Our over night trip had turned into an almost 24 hour trip. We were thrilled as we walked through our rental home, it was perfect. We unloaded, had a quick bit to eat and headed to the beach to look around.

 

My Mom and I arrived in Chicago, made our way to the El. We boarded the Orange Line and settle in for our ride to the north side. We were rested but still tired. Mom would be with us for two nights before she got back on the train for home.

It was Saturday afternoon, we were sitting at the dining room table finishing up some work. I had brewed some loose leaf Ginko and Ginseng green tea earlier that day and been drinking it iced through out the afternoon.

Jeff was in the living room watching the moving There Will Be Blood. I have found that there are movies that should never be listened to. What I mean is they need to be watched because the soundtrack is very disturbing. Several years ago we had taken a long weekend with friends in the Smoky mountains. Sitting on the screened in porch of the house we were staying at, the men had put in Terminator and the women were sitting at a table doing a jig saw puzzle. Unable to see the TV screen we were left with hearing the soundtrack. There were several scenes in which the soundtrack became extremely intense. The volume also seemed to increased tremendously. Thinking that our husbands were aware of how loud it had become we glanced over at them only to find their eyes glued to the set, completely unaware of how the soundtrack was playing a major part in their captivation. There Will Be Blood had some of those same moments.

At one point I stood up from the table and headed to the kitchen. I was tense, bothered by the noise from the other room and clearly overdosed on the green tea. As I stepped inside the kitchen door the back door leading to the porch was to my left. On the counter to my right sat a set of kitchen knives. As I looked at the back door I was overcome with a sense of fear. “If you go out there you will jump off the porch” was what I heard in my head. As I turned to look the other way my eyes stopped at the knives; “If you pick those up you will cut yourself”. I could not breath. Fear fulled every part of me. I did not want to say anything to Jeff or my mom, it scared the shit out of me, what would it do to them? Not knowing what to do I excused myself and made my way to the bedroom and laid down.

This was the beginning of several months of panic attaches. In all my effort not to rush through the year, to feel the emotions of each major change that was occurring, I had not taken into account the emotional and physical effects of so many life changing events happening so close together. I had also not allowed myself to feel the fear that was obvious boiling inside of me of the pending move ahead of us. The fear of being so far away, alone in a strange place, disconnected from the world I knew. Without realizing it, I was beginning to feel trapped.

 

Austyn was settled in her new little place. She and Brian were experiencing living in the same city for more than a weekend. I had made plane reservation for my mother and I to fly out in order to finish up the last of the reception invites as well as taking care of a few details for the wedding.

Mom and I arrived at the Denver airport with little problem. Austyn met us and we headed out to the parking lot. Brian and Austyn had purchased a older jeep Cherokee in preparation for their excursion north to Alaska. Our family is not known for their mechanical abilities so purchasing older automobiles has added risk. Helpless to fix them ourselves, we are reliant on a shop to do so. This is not the case for Brian, I guess if you can fix an airplane, autos don’t scare you.

As we walked out I was eying the vehicles wondering which was theirs. With great excitement, Austyn introduced us to Ruff. Ruff was a green, 1999 vehicle. Obvious worn and used. This was going to take them to Alaska? A ten day trip though who knows where. I had a flashback of my dad, eyes closed shaking his head in unbelief anytime we shared with him our hair brain ideas.

We arrived at her condo, it was full of boxes. Gifts had been arriving, Austyn had not totally unpacked, Brian was beginning to bring his things over and items were being set aside that needed to be taken to the wedding. Austyn is a photographer which requires computers, printers and work spaces larger than normal. All to say their little condo was already overflowing.

The week was filled with walks to the cafe’ in the morning for coffee, lattes, fresh cinnamon rolls and mini quiches that were to die for.

Austyn’s future Mother-in-Law treated us to an old fashion tea party served in the elegance of a historical bed and breakfast. Dress up clothes were provided and we did. Fake fur collars, hats with netting, jewelry and gloves were all part of the festivities. An afternoon with the ladies was enjoyed by all.

The purpose of the week was to send out the invitations for the reception planned in Wisconsin and Colorado. Grandma did her share in the addressing because of her lovely penmanship. Stamps were sought out. The stamp selection in the spring of 2008 left a lot to be desired. The love stamps were pink hearts, nice but no at all reflective of Austyn. There were a few others, old boat, tropical fruit but nothing that seemed to fit. When you have spent time designing an invitation, selecting the right color for the envelope and matching the ink color of the pen, the stamp suddenly takes on a new importance. We finally decided on the retro stamp of old blue eye himself, Frank Sinatra.

The week flew by and it was time to return home. One more time to say good bye. The next time we would be together would be in Chicago as we loaded the vehicles that would be making the 18 hour road trip to Holden Beach, NC. One would have thought that with as many times as we had said good bye in this last year, it would be easy…it wasn’t.

For Memorial Day Weekend Jeff and I headed back to Wisconsin, hoping to spend as much time with Raun, Pam and the kids as possible before we moved. This was really the first time Jeff had spent time with the kids and they were getting to know each other. Jeff had a great sense of humor around kids. He is just off enough to make them think and the clever ones can keep him going for hours. At lunch we discussed Brianna’s fear of ketchup because someone told her it was blood. Jeff affirmed that it really was blood of the tomatoes. I’m not sure if that helped or hurt the situation. Sage thought he was fun to play games with such as “I’m thinking of”.

We spent Memorial Day at Jeff’s parents playing in the lake, roasting marshmallows and making s’mores. All of Jeff’s family was there and all day I was reminded that this would most likely never happen again. This was a day in history and the next time this group of people were together could be years away. How often do we experience historical moments and not realize it. We ended our day at a Japanese restaurant. It was entertaining to the kids to watch their meals being made in front of us. Lot’s of fire, lot’s of knives and lot’s of throwing food. Chase, the youngest was sitting next to me. All evening I had noticed that he had to be touching me, either his arm was on my arm or his hand was on my hand or his head was on my shoulder. At some point he got bored and needed a change. I suggested that he and Grandpa Jeff go out and check on the car to see if Ellie (our dog) was safe. They headed out the door hand in hand. When they returned they took their time getting to the table. There were scary masked on the wall and caught Chase’s attention. Ice cream was waiting for them when they returned.

“I don’t like ice cream” said Chase as he sat down next to Jeff.

He took a bite.

“I thought you didn’t like ice cream?” Jeff said.

“I was just teasing you.” He replied. After several spoonfuls he looked up at Jeff and asked; “Can I try some of yours?”

“Sure”

Chase continued to eat out of both bowls. He stopped at one point and looked at Jeff. “Are you happy?”

Jeff looked at me. “Am I happy?” Looking back at Chase, “Yes I’m happy.”

“I’m happy too.”said Chase.

Dinner was over and we said our good byes. Jeff and I would head back to Chicago in the morning. Shortly after we had gone our seperate ways we received a text message from Raun. ‘Chase got out of the Jeep and looked down at the pavement and said, I want Grandpa Jeff’

We had made a connection. These children were part of our lives and if we were going to be their grandparents some day, we were going to be grandma and grandpa, step- would not be in our vocabulary.

 

Brian graduated on Thursday. Immediately after he and Austyn began their trip to IL. Austyn was graduating on Saturday with an Associate degree in Applied Sciences, Digital Photography. She had been asked to be one of two student speakers for the ceremony. Jeff and I had both cried through her 8^th grade graduation and barely made it through her high school graduation; we had no idea what this one would do to us.

Both of our children have very high I.Q. This is both a blessing and a curse. Raun was bored all through school and struggled with applying himself. Austyn was considered gifted with a sever learning disability. In 8^th grade she barely had a 3^rd grade reading level. We knew something was off when she was 3 and could not repeat 3 words back to you. We were learning bible verses such as God is Love. I would say it and ask her to repeat it. She could not, it was one word at a time. At some point she was able to repeat a group of words but she some how always changed at least one of the words. School was a challenge. We spent several years home schooling. When we returned to Wheaton, Il we began the testing process for assistance. Austyn qualified for everything they had to offer. By her Senior year she had developed a level of confidence in her abilities and disabilities that she confidently approached each teacher the beginning of each semester with her list of what she will succeed at and what she may need their assistance with. They were always a bit taken back. Austyn did not come across needy. A few of the teachers failed to believed her but a quick read through her file and apologizes were made. In the end Austyn won them all over and graduated with honors.

There was a point that Jeff and I had no idea how she would get through Sr. High. “If we can just get her to graduation” we would say. Get her to graduation, she had graduated with honors and was accepted to Harrington School of Design. Each graduation was a milestone and very emotional. For me it was a sense of relief and accomplishment. We had made it through and it was a group effort. Jeff nor I had ever envisioned a College Graduation.

The Friday evening prior to graduation was a gallery showing at Harrington. We made our way through the exhibits recognizing names of students. Austyn’s final project “The Chair” was on display. Austyn had purchased an old chair from a second hand store and brought it home on the city bus. For a period of 3 months she took the chair everywhere, photographing it around the city of Chicago, farmland in Wisconsin and along the river in Little Chute, WI. At some point The Chair stopped being a chair and took on a personality of it’s own. It came alive. The book “The Chair” sat in the actual chair in the corner of one of the exhibit rooms.

We left the school in search of the English pub Austyn had chosen for dinner. She and Jeff debated the directions, each one sure they were right. At one point they were actually walking in opposite directions. In the end Austyn was right, not an easy thing for dad to admit to. Dinner was great. We grabbed a cab and headed home, Saturday was going to be a big day.

Pomp and Circumstance began and tears filled my eyes. If I lost it now I would not get control. She walked past us with a typical Austyn smile…bigger than life. It was her time to speak and she was fantastic. As she spoke to her fellow students the audience seemed to disappear, she encouraged and challenged. Diplomas were given out and she was walking back down the isle. It was a wonder ceremony. We caught a cab and stopped at Jakes for a celebratory drink. School was over for both, the next ceremony would be the wedding.

As part of their graduation gift we purchased tickets to “Sweeny Todd”. Sweeny is our family’s favorite stage musical. This was the production where the actors actually play instruments while on stage. We had seen several productions of Sweeny and could not imagine how they could possibly do this, not only did this mean they had memorized the performance itself but they also memorized the entire score. We caught the 22 bus and headed to the theater. We had wonderful seats, middle of the first row of the balcony. The curtain went up and we were entranced the entire time. What an amazing production. What a wonderful end to a historical day.

Elin Ainsley Bruenning was born 10/19/09.